


Five Mary Sues Jack Sparrow Never Met

by mythtaken



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean
Genre: Crack, Drabble Sequence, Gen, Mary Sue, Meta, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-27
Updated: 2009-11-27
Packaged: 2017-10-03 20:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythtaken/pseuds/mythtaken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five 100-word drabbles concerning the individual fates of a quintet of Mary Sues during <i>Dead Man's Chest</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Mary Sues Jack Sparrow Never Met

_i._

Captain Rubella Topaz stood looking out to sea, happy for the first time in weeks. It was not just the beautiful view from the cliff that had so lifted her spirits, but the fact that her wisdom, beauty, strength and impeccable leadership qualities had finally gained full recognition.

She had led her crew ashore here – continuing their tireless search for the captain of the Black Pearl, a man with whom she had unfinished business – and they had immediately been set upon by the fierce locals.

Long story short, they had subsequently crowned her their queen.

Finally, some people with _taste_!

  


_ii._

One minute Sarabeth was IMing _SparrowsGirl91_ about the deep, dark chocolatey goodness that was Johnny Depp, and the next minute she was being sucked into the vortex that had once been her flat-screen monitor and violently hurled through what she could only assume were time and space.

Presently Sarabeth landed with a resounding thump on the deck of what she quickly realised was a ship. Obviously, she was in Pirates of the Caribbean!

She did not see anyone she recognised though. In fact, the only people in sight were two uglyish guys arguing in some weird-assed language over a hat.

  


_iii._

Amelia sighed deeply and dramatically. It was awfully hard being the younger sister of Elizabeth Swann, a girl who indulged so often and so successfully in attention seeking behaviour that their father didn't even seem to remember he had another child most of the time.

When Elizabeth was arrested, Amelia had to spend nearly half an hour convincing people of her own part in aiding Jack's escape – which everyone seemed to have completely forgotten – before they chucked her in a cell too.

Typically, Father had freed Elizabeth.

He did not seem to hear it when Amelia called out to him.

  


_iv._

The tragedy of Molly Smith's life – the death of her family; her cruel upbringing at the hands of a sadistic uncle; her lack of attractive, exciting boyfriend – was something that weighed heavily on her mind. It troubled her that her steady yet unglamorous job as a Tortugan barmaid did not allow her nearly enough time to spend contemplating her myriad misfortunes.

Now she had another to add to the list. Having taken a short break to weep over her mother's diary, she had apparently missed meeting Jack Sparrow – the man she was convinced was supposed to have taken her away.

  


_v._

"Do not think there is anything a man can do," shrieked the girl dressed in shirt and breeches, her unusual eyes flashing in the candlelight, her hand itching to unleash her sword, "that I cannot do better!"

"Wouldn't dream of it," said Gibbs, bored, and waved her in the general direction of the docks. Yet another strange, unnecessarily fierce pirate lass: they seemed to be out in force tonight and he concluded there must be some devilry afoot. He made a complicated warding off gesture.

Still, he reasoned, at least Davy Jones would get his full complement of ninety-nine souls.


End file.
